Wednesday, February 12, 2014

quarter century thoughts

it's weird to think some people actually care about age on their birthday. internet lurkers, just rock your age. that's my one piece of advice for the year. rock it.
for me, turning 25 feels like some big accomplishment this year and i'm not sure why. although it seems like not that long ago some of those 'cooler' older kids i admired were 25....maybe i'm finally catching up to their coolness? 

any ways.
this past 25th year of life has been an especially wild one. but i'm pretty sure i say that exact phrase almost every year. at least life is exciting.... 
tomorrow however, is different. i'm moving to a different country long term. something i have never been able to boast about. i have a lot of mixed emotions at the moment. and a lot of mixed piles of crap around my parents' basement :/

for whatever reason though, the main thing that has hit me hard tonight is how lost i feel. waiting on a visa to move to the states for the past year has really taken its toll. my fiance and i had to put our engagement on hold, and my life even more so. i graduated from school in the summer, but because i was going to up and leave at any moment, i haven't advanced in a real career. this will also be my sixth move since 2009, always making my life feel unsettled and squished into cheap packing boxes.

i'm not saying my birthday wasn't great. it was, and there are more celebrations to come. 
but i know what it's like to be lost, and i think i might as well admit i'm sorta there at the moment. 

there's something really beautiful about being lost- the rare opportunity to be humbled. it makes me stop in life for a moment and look around before i take the next step. to question my over-confident decision. i find often that when i'm lost, in the end i feel like i've discovered something better than if i had been on the 'right' path.
if you're feeling lost right now, remember there isn't just one narrow road to your destiny. embrace this moment; it will only last a short while. enjoy the chaos while you can, and before you know it you will be found once again.

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